June 23, 2012

Well, here I am almost at the end of yet another 2 week wait.   I've been fairly "sane" this round and realistic.  Last night I had some cramping (I've had it on and off since IUI) and had a small melt down.  The emotions of trying not to read into every sign but expecting there to be blood every time I go to the bathroom and then hoping there isn't can drive you mad.  I'm sooo jealous of people that don't even know what a 2 week wait is/means.  Lucky!

Last night I was feeling so down!  Kind of the "don't know how much longer I can take this" feeling.  I decided to spend some time in prayer and worship.  I pulled out my old journal from when I did YWAM in Costa Rica and saw the reminder "Kickball."

Kickball is  a video by Rob Bell that made a lasting impression on me then about my "singleness" but couldn't have been more appropriate for where I am in this exact moment.

To sum it up, Rob Bell talks about how he is at a mall Kiosk and there is this crazy ball toy with a string that is pretty dumb/slightly dangerous.  His 2 years old really wanted it and started screaming "I want it, I want it" and even when on to "I NEED it." 

Rob Bell talks about the father's perspective and that he as the dad had a different view than the kid.  The toy could hurt him, frustrate him, tangle up around his wrist.  The little boy gave the dad the look "but I thought you loved me." 

Rob Bell takes the son across the street and buys him a kickball.

He goes on to explain how frustrated we get when God doesn't answer our prayers.  When we fill like we NEED it (ie a baby now!).  He reminds us that God is good.  We have to truly truly believe this.  And if we do, then all He can do is good.  If He isn't answering something right now, its because He sees something we don't.

I sobbed and sobbed.  I don't understand why this journey is so long and hard for us, but I do know that God is in control and that I must trust Him.

If you have 10 minutes, watch the video.  If you are frustrated for any reason and waiting for answers from God, this will change you.

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