I'm finding myself in this mid-cycle blah. Tonight is the last night I take Femera, and it's been giving me lots of hot flashes this round.
I really should exercise (I'm usually super into it) but I can't bring myself to do it, and then I feel bad about it.
My mind keeps recounting the calendar, seeing if there is anyway around me not ovulating when I'm in Denver, husband-free. Each time, nothing has changed (I think I'm secretly hoping it will happen sooner) I have determined if I get the surge Wednesday, I will schedule an IUI in the morning and miss my flight (in hopes of catching a later) or, if I get the surge Friday, trying to fly home immediately after the wedding (midnight Friday) to get into before noon Saturday (that's when the hospital takes the last appointment). If I get the surge Thursday, I'm out of luck with the IUI and will have to "bank" on HOPEFULLY us having sex the day before I leave.
At church on Sunday, the pastor asked us to think about what our "Log Jam" is. That is, what is in our hearts that clogs us from fully shining out God. We had to write it on a heart. I couldn't bring myself to write INFERTILITY, so I wrote healing. He wanted us to get a picture with it that they would email home to help us remember to pray and/or fight against whatever we wrote. I decided to take a picture at home.
In my picture, I included everything I'm doing to fight this heart wrenching battle. I'm taking 9 pills a day, charting, eating pumpkin seeds, rubbing castor oil, using pre-seed, and opks.
Crazy enough, I had a conversation with my little sister yesterday. She had just gotten back from Oregon (her missionary in-laws were in town) and they visited a church. Heidi said it was a smaller church but there were like 5 pregnant women, all the same size. At lunch, Heidi asked the pastor what was up? Apparently, 36 weeks ago a guest pastor from out of the country felt the need to pray for all the women struggling with infertility in the church. Within 1 week, all 5 became pregnant and are now 36 weeks along.
Jesus, please, heal my body, heal my heart and help me continue to move forward even though today I feel sad, scared, and tired.