Many women have referred to the infertility trap as "infertility hell." The longer this goes, the longer I understand that. It's a horrible place to live. Lots of fears. Lots of emotions. A lot of pain. I have actually read women on blogs and community message boards calling their BFPs an "escape" or "ticket" out of infertility hell.
I'm about to buy one. Or at least try. They run about 16k ;). I was so annoyed today talking to a variety of insurance companies (we are in open enrollement). I called to see if HSA would cover IVF. After being on hold for 2o minutes she got back on the phone and said "You know,invitro costs around $20,000." Seriously???? An insurance agent who didn't even know what IVF stood for is telling me this as if I had no clue?
I take a really low dosage of anxiety medicine but got of of it for the summer in case it could interfere with getting pregnant. I've been fine until now (arrival of period). My period is really cruel because it literally stopped and started TWICE before fully arriving, jerking me around with hope and then sadness and then hope. It must be the lack of the anxiety pill, mixed with the end of summer, mixed with all the questions about money and IVF and such.
However, we don't feel "peace" about the adoption route yet. I take it as IVF is next.
I cried so hard I almost threw up. Just because I'm scared to do IVF and more scared not to. I'm mentally in a place where I want to do it this second. I want to know the results yesterday.
Today I called OHSU and set up the $405 consultation appt for September 10th. This is really happening. In a perfect world, I would be able to get testing done this month and do IVF next month and find out by mid-November. In reality, I might have to wait a month due to scheduling. Just getting an appt on the calendar lowers a little anxiety (but somehow increases it too).
In the meantime, I'm working with Kaiser to do one more BIG IUI (I'll do the trigger shot again). It would be SO FREAKING COOL if this IUI worked, but I have realistic expectations.
We will talk with financial people but it looks like we will buy the package with 1 fresh 1 frozen or 2 fresh 2 frozen. Having a timeline and a plan will help my TYPE A personality.