September 23, 2012
Honestly, despite the low progesterone result, I was holding my breath. Hoping. I think hope is the only thing that can keep ya going in these situations. Hope that this isn't forever. Hope that God has a plan. Hope that end of this crazy, insane, hard journey, my child will be there waiting.
It would be lying if I said I was surprised when the dreaded period showed up today, but I was also prepared. Instead of the usual mourning I instantly thought "So God has it planned for us to do IVF."
So, Bye Bye IUI
I was scared, but now I'm more excited. I can suck up anything for a month. I will start birth control in 3 days to help my ovaries take a break. Though I'm sad I didn't conceive, I'm excited for the break. Obviously I can't get pregnant on birth control, so for the first time in years I can have sex without thinking about infertility. I can take a breath. Relax. And gear up for the injections, egg retrieval, and HOPEFULLY egg transfer.
I can't believe that my chances of being pregnant are about to be FIFTY percent or higher. I can't believe that by early November, I will know the results. I can do anything for a month. Fear has been replaced with anticipation. Bring it on.
Lord, give us the strength. Remind me that you are with me and though I don't know why, this is the path you are leading Darren and I down. I thank you for this beautiful science. I thank you that we have jobs to help us pay for this. I thank you that you are building our testimonies so someday we will truly be able to relate to other couples struggling. By your grace and mercy, I ask that IVF works the first time. I trust you, I praise you, I am letting go and trusting that what is best will work. Prepare our hearts for this month and fill us with hope and joy. Instead of crying, give us laughter. When I give myself injections, remind me to praise you instead of complain. When I am afraid, remind me to turn it to prayers. Thank you for the plans you have for us.
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