Kinda Sorta Maybe Pregnant

November 4, 2012

I got the phone call this morning that today was transfer today.  The RE on call told me that there are 2 perfect embryos and a lot more good ones to freeze (she referred to it as a "family").  She was so nice (I hadn't met her yet, OHSU has a team of 4 REs that rotate).  She told me to fill my bladder an hour before so at 9:30 I drank 2 bottled waters for the 10:30 appt.

They were behind so by the time they got me back there (like 11:05) I was dying!  But, I didn't want to risk going "a little" in case I couldn't stop.  The RE talked to me about the risk of OHSS still attacking if I get pregnant, specially with twins.  She asked if I would want to just transfer one (no way) because I still have a high chance.  She said she would check the fluid in my ovaries before making a final decision. Then the embryologist came in and chatted with us but didn't give us a total number because they are waiting to see if some hit blastocyst tomorrow. 

The doctor came back in and did a real ultrasound (on the outside of my stomach). She confirmed bladder was super full (duh) and that there was a little fluid around the ovaries.  She said she felt comfortable with 2 embryos if that's what I wanted. 

The speculum is bigger and wider for transfers, but this was the "moment" all of this has been leading up to.  On the screen we watched as the 2 babies were transferred into my uterus.  She said she thinks they are placed in a great spot.
Here is an embryo in the eye of a needle:

Everyone has a different opinion of when life begins.  As a teenager I firmly believed that life begins the SECOND the egg hits the sperm.  I was and am ProLife.  But as a younger woman, I didn't really think about my "opinion" on all this in regards to IVF.  Like I said, please don't be offended if I don't think the exact way you do, but here's where Darren and I stand:

1.  God alone is the author of life and death.  He decides which embryos lives on and doesn't.

2.  We believe that it is a life when the sperm meets the egg INSIDE the body.  The embryo cannot live without my uterus.  We had to think this one through because the concept of "frozen embryos" gets a little intense if I look at them as frozen souls.  I know look at them as "cookie dough" that needs my "oven" to become a cookie.

3.  With all this said, right now, this moment, with 2 little embryos FORSURE inside my body, I'm pregnant.  I've prayed the whole time God guides the right sperm and grows the right embryos and selects the ones He wants right now to be put in me.  If I don't get a positive pregnancy test, I know the REs don't acknowledge it as a miscarriage, but we will.  I believe those little babies will be in heaven waiting for us if they don't make it through.

So, with all this, I guess I'm officially kind of sort of maybe pregnant. 
I was so disapointed they don't give you pictures of the embryos, they are so cool!  They did give me this picture though (the screen I watched).  Where the heart is is the fluid with the embryos being placed inside so kind of babie's first picture :)

Again, prayers are sooooo soooo soo appreciated!  I want to knock down heaven's door with prayers.  If the answer from Him is still "no" I'll be sad, but I will still follow Him and love Him. 


  1. Aww I am so excited for you! As one girl with PCOS to another I have been holding on to all your ups and downs feeling them with you. I just got married this summer and talk of our options when the time comes to try for children comes up often. I pray that I have your strength and courage to keep going and trusting God! You are an encouragement to us. I am praying for those little babies in your tummy right know and hope that they nestle in for the long haul.

    I read a book last summer about a boy who went to Heaven. When he came back he told his parents about his sister (whom his mother had miscarried) that he did not know about previously. He described her in every detail. If it happens that one of these little babies does not take... I am certain you will meet him or her in our heavenly home. God Bless!

    1. Megan thanks so much! Congrats on the new marriage! Fun! I hope I don't discourage you. I know 2 close women who have PCOS and conceived on their own. We have male fertility factors to so felt this was the route for us :)

      Heaven is For Real! I read that last summer, great read. Thanks for the prayers!!!


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