My Nightmare Coming True: 17 Weeks and my Water Broke

October 23, 2013

Insane how quickly things can change.  72 hours ago I was crying for joy with my family and friends celebrating the life and gender of our twins.  I'm currently typing from the delivery room at the hospital.

Yesterday I had stronger cramps than usual but nothing alarming.  I'm 17 weeks and I know that's usually a big growth spirt.  During work I went to the bathroom and I guess I lost my mucous plug.  I again wasn't too alarmed as I've had lots of weird discharge.  We went out for dinner and my cramps were a bit stronger (period like) but my husband convinced me it was most likely growing pains.  After a visit to Dr. Google, I figured it was normal.

I woke up with a strong cramp and went to the bathroom at 11:30pm.  I barely went.  All of the sudden my water broker.  Even though I was seated, it literally burst all over the floor.  I was in shock.  No way.  Maybe I just had to go to the bathroom really bad?  I called the advice line who told me to go straight to ER.

After 2 hours of waiting, they wheeled me back to the ultrasound.  There was my sweet sweet baby Brinly (we already decided on the name) with a strong heartbeat but curled up so so tight like a potato bug in the fetal position.  I could see her spine.  He told me I had lost almost all amniotic fluid.  Then he goes to our sweet boy, Jude.  His sack was full.

They wheel me back and I wait another 2 hours.  Here is the situation.  I beg everyone to ask God for a miracle.

1.  Best casenario:  the sac reseals.  This is rare but can happen (again, they all keep telling me how uncommon it is).  It reseals, refills, and everyone lives.

2.  2nd casenario:  Brinly dies because there is no fluid.  I hate this.  I hate it so much.  My sweet baby girl is so healthy and the only reason she dies is because my water broke-not because of some stupid "abnormality" but simply because my body released her fluid.  She dies BUT I don't go into labor or get an infection.  She stops growing and Jude just has to hang on at least a couple more months.

3.  3rd casenario:  I go into labor.  Very likely.  I might have to actually push out my daughter and see her.  I'm am in a FREAKING delivery room.  If this happens there is a small chance Jude would stay in (I only deliver Brinly) but they can't control it.

4.  Worst casenario:  Since my water broke I'm at high risk for an infection.  If I get an infection, they both die.  The OBGYN will force me to deliver to safe myself and uterus if we ever have the courage to try this again.


I keep thinking I'm in a bad dream.  Is this real?  I know I didn't have regular periods, but my cervix and everything is normal.  Am I seriously about to fall into that >1% that losses their babies after the 12 weeks?

A few posts ago I posted about how God never has and never will forsake me.  I can honestly say that it crossed my mind that God knows Darren and I are strong and bold about our faith.  If we can still praise His name, declare His glory, and remain un-bitter-who knows who that can bring to Christ.  I selfishly so do not want that job!  If I lose these 2 precious, forever-waited-for, so loved babies, I honestly think I would want to curl up and die for a bit.  This isn't a "miscarriage" where I can get them cleaned out and move on to the next treatment (as awful as that was) this is I might push them out and see them gasp for air. 

For those of you that know me, I truly accept that He gives and He takes away.  But please Lord, not here, not now.  Not like this.  Please join with us in praying that I'm one of the lucky one's who's sacs reseal and that Brinly makes it. 

116 comments:

  1. I believe in miracles and beating the odds. I'm praying and hoping that you beat these odds and they are not delivered healthy. All of my prayers and energy are geared towards your miracle. Dear Lord please show us your divine intervention.

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  2. I am praying so, so hard for you and your babies. I truly believe that God answers prayers and performs miracles every day. I'm praying that both babies overcome the odds and that all three of you stay safe and healthy until they are able to be delivered at a MUCH later time and date!

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  3. Praying for you and your babes.

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  4. I plead the blood of Jesus over you right now. Please keep these babies safe. Amen. xoxo, Dee

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  5. I am lifting my hands in prayer for you, Darren, Brinly and Jude. Miracles do happen, and I will be holding onto hope. Lord Jesus, please lay your healing hands upon Holly and her babies today and keep them safe. Amen.. I am here for you friend.

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  6. i am sitting at my desk crying. this is not suppose to happen. i am praying so hard it hurts. hang on. i KNOW He is listening. He has to be.

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  7. Praying so hard Holly. We are all praying for you here at school. Please Lord, keep Brinly and Jude safe.

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  8. I cannot even believe I'm reading this. Something like this just didn't cross my mind. My heart sank when I saw your post title. I am praying so hard for you, Darren and your sweet babies, Brinly and Jude. Sending you so much love right now.

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  9. Holly, I can't image your situation right now. I will pray and continue to pray for those sweet miracle babies and you all stay healthy. God is a deliver of miracles.

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  10. Praying with everything that is in me.

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  11. Lord, we lift up Holly right now to you ask your supernatural intervention over her body and situation. We ask that right now that her womb would be healed in Jesus name. We ask her body to align with your word. We ask protection over both Jude and Brinly. Lord, we praise you that you are a God of miracles and we stand in agreement right now with Holly ask that you would perform a miracle right now. We pray protection over Holly's body and rebuke any negative words the doctors have spoken over her regarding miscarriage or infection. We cling to your word which brings Life and we ask that your hands would be placed on Holly and those babies right now and you would breath life into them, healing all tissues, organs, muscles, everything. Lord, we wait expectantly for good news.

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  12. Oh my gosh Holly! I'm so sorry! Praying with all of your other friends for God to breathe life. Praying for a miracle sweet girl! Our God is immeasurably able to do immeasurably more! Abiding with you Holly!

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  13. Father God we lift this family up to you! We pray protection and healing in Jesus' name! Comfort and surround them with you peace. You are our creator and the great healer. We pray healing over the situation- we ask that your works would be glorified and people would turn to you when they see the healing power of your Holy Spirit working. You formed baby Brinly and Jude- it is by your power and through your breath of life that they are here. I pray that they would be protected and that Holly's body would be able to heal to continue growing them. We raise them all up to you Father God- we plead that they would remain safe. Guide the doctors as they determine a course of action. Rain down comfort and peace on this family- keep them safe and protect them from attack. We pray against the fear, evil, and hurt- may it not touch this family or these precious babies. We pray only what you have for this family- Bless them and keep them from harm in Jesus' name!

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  14. Oh gosh, Holly. Praying so hard for your sweet babies.

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  15. I do not know you personally, but Our Heavenly Father does. My heart is breaking for you and the uncertain of this whole situation. I will continue to pray for you Holly, Darren (my brothers name) and your precious children. Please keep the updates so that we can know how to pray. May the Lord be Glorified though all this and your faith stronger. Casey

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  16. Holly I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know I am praying for you and let me know if you have any questions I maybe to answer since we went through a similar experience. Caroline

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  17. Dear Lord,
    I ask that you place your loving arms over Holly, Darren, Brinly, and Jude. Although we can't understand why this is happening, we know you are watching over them and protecting them. Please give them the strength to get through this difficult time and help these babies fight for their life. We know you are a Healer and we need your strength.

    In Jesus' name, Amen!!!

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  18. I am visiting from Suzanne's blog. I am praying so hard for your sweet Brinly and Jude -- and for strength for you and your husband. Miracles happen everyday. Don't give up!

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  19. I have erased and retyped my comment tens time now, because there are honestly no words that seem good enough. I just want you to know, that like the other women who have posted, I am praying for you right now with EVERY fiber of my being. Praying praying for the best possible outcome.

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  20. I just started reading your blog and I haven't even introduced myself yet, but I am praying for you and your babies. Dear Lord, please save them.

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  21. Oh Holly! We will be praying for you, Darren and your precious babies!

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  22. I know you dont me, but I had a dear friend send me your way:) I was in your shoes2 years ago almost exactly to the day:( My water broke at 17 weeks and my twin boys and I hung on for 8 more weeks. If you want to email me at pepperkg5@gmail.com and I can go into more detail about our journey and I have a few support groups that Im sure you would love. Just now you are not along and you can have 2 babies at the end of your journey. I look forward to hearing from you!

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  23. You will definitely be in my prayers!

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  24. Holly I can't believe this is happening to you guys. I am so sad there are literally tears streaming down my face. I just stopped everything I was doing to pray for you guys. I believe in miracles and really really think you deserve one. Thinking about you, Darren and your two precious children. Big hugs

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  25. Praying and believing for a miracle!!!

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  26. New to your blog and currently balling my eyes. I am begging the Creator of life to perform your miracle. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Prayers and (((hugs)))

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  27. Oh Holly! I'm so sorry to hear the news! I'm not even a religious person....but I promise to pray for you and your family!!!!

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  28. I will be praying for you and ur little ones. That God places his healing hand over you and the lil ones. Praying that a miracle happens.

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  29. Holly, my husband and I are standing in our kitchen crying for you, and we don't even know you. But we are brothers and sisters in Christ, and we stand before the King begging Him to save your babies. We went through 3 years of infertility, and know the hope and excitement of pregnancy--and the devastation of loss. Though we never lost any this far along, and we PRAY you don't either! Praying for His favor, His healing, and His blessing. HE IS FAITHFUL and He is the ultimate healer. (Our baby girl was born not breathing and should be brain damaged...but isn't. Because He heals). United in Christ, and praying for you.....

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  30. Holly - you have been through way too much this year. I'm praying so hard for you right now. You are in my heart and prayers friend.

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  31. Tears and prayers for you and your sweet babes!

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  32. I cried reading this. I am praying for you and your sweet babies.

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  33. Holly, I started to write this post several times. I sat reading this earlier and just cried my eyes out. This should not be happening. There are so many praying for you. You are at the top of my prayer list tonight, thinking about your whole family.

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  34. Constant prayers are being said and trusting in him. Matthew 9:29

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  35. Praying for you - hang in there sweet mama! Jesus, please reseal her sac and keep both the babies healthy and growing. I've seen what you can do - show these doctors whose child she is!

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  37. I am praying for you, for Brinly, and for Jude. Praying God allows for a miracle and praying for peace and comfort to just surround you and your husband.

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  38. I found your blog through Risa and am reading it for the first time tonight. Though I have suffered 2 miscarriages, I cannot fathom what you are currently experiencing. I am praying for you, your husband, your medical staff and your babies! Praying for miracles!

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  39. Praying for the 4 of you tonight. I have also started a prayer chain with my personal Facebook page as well as my Infertility page I manage on Facebook. Stay strong. ((((HUGS))))

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  40. There are no words...hoping and praying for the best possible outcome for all four of you!

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  41. When I say that I understand everything you are feeling....I truly understand. On Dec 25, 2011, I was 16 weeks pg with fraternal triplet daughters from IVF #4 and my water broke. I am praying so very hard for you and your babies. Here's a site with a lot of information about PROM: http://inkan.se/prom/ (((hugs)))

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  42. Dear Lord, please let these babies stay with their mama and daddy. They are so loved. Keep them safe and surround Holly with your protection. I know these babies must be super special for them to be so close to seeing You again so soon, but not now. Please not now. Maybe in 80-90 years please? You can do all things, Lord. Please keep these babies and Holly safe. In Your name, amen.

    I'm so sick for you. You are an amazing mama and you don't deserve this. ((( hugs )))

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  43. Sending prayers for you, Holly. I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

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  44. Praying for you...

    Is there any way they can try an amnioinfusion?

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  45. Praying praying praying. Just found your blog tonight through another one. Lots of prayers!!

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  46. Keeping you held high in prayer. God has you in His hands. He's going to take care of those precious babies.

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  47. I just found my way to your blog through another I follow; there are no words to express how sorry I am that you have to face this fear. Sending so many thoughts and wishes that everything turns out ok and you get the miracle you so deserve. Holding you and your sweet babies in my heart today.

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  48. Praying for you and your family. God is taking care of all of you - you're being thought about in so many places by so many people.

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  49. so worried about you. i know you are busy fighting and can't update but i need to know everything is ok?!?!?! praying constantly for you Holly.

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  50. I am sending prayers, my heart hurts for you. Keep the faith, keep praising, I know how hard that can be. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Sending prayers of safety for the babies and may your sac reseal, and may they both bake awhile longer and be born safe and healthy into your arms. Send you guys many prayers and love in Christ.

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  51. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I saw this posted to facebook and I had to comment. This happened to me at 14 weeks with twins. I won't tell you my whole story now because you need to focus on you. But I will tell you that I ended up with a miracle and you can too. Keep the faith. Premature preterm rupture of membranes doesn't have to be the end. Just know that you are being prayed for by many. And loved by the The One.

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  52. My dear friend Natalie just delivered twins yesterday after experiencing a similar hurdles. I hope her blog helps. You're in my prayers!! http://barnesdailycircus.blogspot.com/

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  53. Praying for you & your babies <3

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  54. I don't know you but I saw this on facebook and wanted to say I will be praying for you and your babies and know that God will take care of you all in this.

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  55. Praying for you and your babies. Please also remember to pray to your son's namesake saint Jude. Known as the patron saint of hopeless causes, he is the saint I always prayed to when doing my many IVFs, going through those losses and facing 2 preterm labors on bedrest in the hospital (both of those were originally multiple pregnancies and ended as singletons). St. Jude comes through when things may feel hopeless. Do not lose hope. Wishing you the miracle you deserve.

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  56. Praying for you and your sweet babies!!!

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  57. Read your blog through Skinny Meg....praying for miracles!!!!!

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  58. I am praying for you and your babies. I believe in miracles! xoxo

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  59. I know we do not know each other but I firmly believe our Heavenly Father has you and you babies in Hands. I pray that His mighty power will be shown in you. That you and both your babies will be fine and that you and your family will know the peace of our Lord that is beyond understanding. With the power of His word alone He spoke the universe into existence and formed us in secret. You all are in my prayers and those of my church.

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  60. Believe in your Miracles...you're already half way there with them inside you. Prayers and hugs.

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  61. Jennifer - Battle Creek, MIOctober 24, 2013 at 7:44 AM

    Heavenly Father, I pray You will show us a miracle. Please protect these precious babies. Please keep them healthy and strong and let them grow and thrive, that You may be glorified. I the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.

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  62. This happened to my sister with her son. Her water broke around the same time. She was on strict bed rest, drank a ton of fluid, and her baby stayed put until I think it was 31 weeks, while she stayed in the hospital that whole time and had some scares along the way. He was in the. NIcU for 6 or 7 weeks and is a healthy boy now! Hang in there Hun!! Stay strong!

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  63. Just came across your blog today. We serve the Ultimate Doctor and Healer! Heavenly Father Praying your hand on Holly, Brinly, Jude and Darren! That their is no infection and the sac to reseal! Praying for healing! Father your will be done. In Jesus precious name Amen

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  64. Praying for your sweet precious family! Stay strong momma! God does have a plan and purpose for all of this. I am praying He grants you a miracle! *hugs*

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  65. I will be praying for you and those precious babies. I know a mighty God that heals. Stay strong let God take a hold of the situation he's the only o e who can mend anything back together.

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  66. I found your blog through another blogging friend. I wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. I'm sending lots of strength to your sweet little babies today, keeping you all in my thoughts, and hoping for the best possible outcome.

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  67. There was a little girl who's parents were told by the doctors that she wouldn't make it almost 31 years ago. They said they didn't know what was wrong with her and called it "failure to thrive". The told the parents to prepare for the worst, that she was too far gone and there was no hope. But GOD! The church started a 24 hour prayer chain and today that little girl is typing this this note to try to help increase your faith. He is able and WILLING! I am praying that that same power that healed and released a 4 pound, 2 month old baby from the hospital after just a few hours of prayer will reach down and heal you and protect your babies. "Let us therefore come BOLDLY unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" Hebrews 4:16

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  68. Praying for you, your family, your babies, your strength and your faith.

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  69. Sending you good energy and thoughts. I am so sorry to read this.

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  70. Read your blog through a Facebook friend. I don't know you, but I am praying so hard for you and your husband and these sweet little babies. It breaks my heart that you've had to go through this. I recently experienced a miscarriage this past week (blighted ovum) and I know how my own heart broke when I found out the news---and that's nothing compared to your situation. I know that my God is huge and can do anything. Praying, praying, praying.

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  71. My heart is so heavy but I know that God is bigger then anything thing the doctors or nurses say will happen. I am praying for all of you.

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  72. My heart is breaking for you!! Praying your little girl has the strength to go on and it is God's will to bless you with a safe and successful pregnancy for both your miracles. You are in my prayers...stay strong

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  73. Praying for you and your sweet babies!!

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  74. You are in my thoughts <3 Sending you and your little miracles a lot of strength!

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  75. Praying for you all. My heart aches for you and your family. I am praying for a miracle.

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  76. Praying for you and your little miracles!!! You are an amazing momma and have more strength that you could ever imagine. Love you with all my heart.

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  77. I do not know you, but I am praying for all of you. Stay strong in your faith.

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  78. I have just walked out of my infertility clinic after another round of treatment. I have nothing but faith and know God has been, IS, and will forever be faithful! You hold on tight to that promise. He saw these babies "unformed bodies before one of them came to be" ( psalms 139). He has created them in your womb and is fighting for them. I'm praying for an absolute miracle that the sac has sealed and the fluid level rises to normal amniotic levels for 17 weeks. We serve a great God who is THE great healer.

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  79. Praying so incredibly hard for your sweet babies. Keep your faith, keep your head held high and know that he WILL NEVER forsake you.

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  80. Praying for your family

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  81. sending lots of prayers your way!

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  82. I'm so so sorry :( Sending love and support your way.

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  83. You and your family are in my prayers. May God grant you that miracle.

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  84. Lots of love and prayers for you. Before having our sons in 2012 and 6 weeks ago, we had been through so many losses over a 4 year period (including a boy at 19 weeks and my stillborn son at 30 weeks in 2011)...and so I sympathize with where you are at right now. The pain is unimaginable, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I really hope you are in the "best scenario" you mentioned above and everything works out perfectly for you and your precious babies. xoxo

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  85. I just went through the loss of my twins at 19 and 23 weeks about a month ago. I feel your agony as I was there not long ago. I am praying for your miracle. I had amnionitis and lost the first twin that way. Went home after two weeks in hospital. Two weeks later, I had no amniotic fluid left and the second twin had stopped growing. Heart was still beating though. By the end of the week, I had delivered him too. I pray that you won't have to be in this place of intense sadness but that you will get to rejoice with both your twins here on earth.

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  86. You are an incredibly strong woman and we're all praying for you and your babies <3

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  87. So many prayers for you, your family, and your sweet babies.

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  88. I loved your gender reveal video from a few days ago and was so excited for this joy in your journey. I have seen you grow up in church into a strong young woman who loves God. These kind of moments are never what we expect...and yet God already knew it all. I am sitting here with a mixture of heaviness for the gravity of the situation, & yet knowing a deep joy that our God does amazing and creative miracles! I am reminded of a sermon about "the facts" & "the truth". There are many medical facts and statistics facing you right now, but the TRUTH is that our God is a healer and miracle working God! I am praying for a full outpouring of destiny and truth over your family right now. God is in your womb right now cradling each tiny body speaking, breathing, sustaining life...

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    1. I stand in agreement with this prayer, Lord let Your will be done n earth as it is in heaven!

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  89. Someday, one way or another, you WILL have a child... And God will bless you abundantly. That day may be with the children you are carrying now, or God may have a different plan in mind. Simply thank God though everyday, and be faithful to him.

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  90. My prayers are with you and your babies.

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  91. Someone left a link to your blog on my blog and asked me to pray for you and your precious little ones. I have been where you are. I was 24 weeks and my water broke. Unfortunately, #3 came true for me and my precious daughters. I am praying boldly that is not the case for you. The unknowns right now are horrible. I pray for God to fill you with strength for this journey and health and safety and life for your babes.

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  92. Holly, you are all in my prayers. I can't even imagine what you're going through. You are one strong woman! Blessings to you and your husband!

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  93. Asking God to beat the odds and create fluid and fill her sack and seal it back. My thoughts are not far from you. I'm praying Peace for your family...all of them. WE know God can, praying that HE will!! Love.....

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  94. Lord save this baby. I know you can do it. I know because you have done it before.

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  95. Lord, please perform a miracle today. We trust in Your power in Jesus' name! Please be their comfort and strength as they hope and believe. God, we hold this family to You. Amen.

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  96. Many, many, many, prayers for you and your family

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  97. I don't know you but I'm praying for you and your husband!! God will bring you through this challenge and I'm praying hard it is with your children in your arms!! Blessings

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  98. As a mommy of 3 angels myself, I am praying for you and your very precious twins. May GOD wrap you all in LOVE and GRACE.

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  99. I am new to this blog after hearing about this from a few of my fellow bloggers. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and have been since I heard about your twins. I am really, really praying it's going to be okay that they will make it, that you will make it. Lots of love, hugs, and prayers.

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  100. I came here from Suzanne's blog, and I'm so very sorry to read this. Just 2.5 weeks ago I was in a very similar situation, the waters of my daughter C broke and she was curled up like your precious Brinly. Sadly, I delivered them a few days later. I will be hoping and praying for a better outcome for you.

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  101. Believing in the God of Miracles for you Darren & your blessed children!!!

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  102. Praying for you! One of my friends water broke at 17 weeks and she went on to carry the baby almost full term. Praying the same for you!

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  103. Praying for you, I'm glad you have faith in God to carry you through and those precious miracles!!

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  104. Holly, I don't know you but someone in one of my infertility groups told me about your situation. I am praying for you right now. If you are looking for the support of other Christian women dealing with infertility and pregnancy after/during infertility, please check out the forums at Hannah's Prayer (www.hannah.org). The ladies there will love on you and pray for you, I promise.

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  105. Sending prayers to you and your sweet babies!

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  106. Praying that God performs a miracle!

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