Wrote in my baby's birth
She whispered as she closed the book
To perfect for this earth"
Here we are, back in the labor and delivery room. I'm in Birth Suite 10.
Everything was going fine until Monday night but as I got in the shower, I noticed something. I won't make this entry the horror story my last few days have been, but it was her umbilical cord. The cord had smashed her and descended into the vagina (hardly) so we went straight to local hospital.
After waiting, they finally did an ultrasound and determined Brinly's heart had stopped. Because of this, I was told delivery was "eminent." Darren and I pushed to get transferred to the hospital in Beaverton with the maternal fetal specialist-they agreed and sent us late Monday night by ambulance.
Tuesday morning I had hope again after talking with Dr. H (my specialist). They were simply going to do a surgery where the tied the cord and tried to keep me from going into labor. But when they did a speculum test to make sure that was all, a little foot had descended. I couldn't see it but obviously that changed the game plan. I was given 3 options:
1. Go into surgery and see if they could pull her out/no labor (his hesitation with this was I was only dilated 1.1cm and her head was 3.4. The surgery could be pointless)
2. induce labor and cross our fingers Jude stops with no guarantees
3. wait till morning to see if I dilate a bit more to allow the surgery to help her get pulled out easier.
Tough call but we went with option 3. I knew there was a chance I could deliver her that night (although I was begging God for the surgery for emotional purposes) but we felt like 1 day would allow for the cervix to dilate a bit more.
Last night the contractions started. I asked if it would hurt and they said I would feel "excruciating pain" but that it would not last. I was so so scared and prayed to hold on for the 8:30 surgery. They told me I would contract her out (no pushing needed) and to basically call them when I knew she had ascended. I took ambiene and feel asleep.
As gracious as God can be, He basically allowed me to deliver her in my sleep. I had some strong cramps this morning and when I woke up and went to the bathroom she came out (she had already passed through cervix, the position change allowed her to ascend.) The nurses here are so sweet. It was painless and somewhat of a relief since I just wanted to get the "stillborn" birth over with.
Doctor's watched me closely and did another exam. I stopped labor as of now (they said it can restart but its been 12 hours). If I don't go into labor again, or get an infection or continue bleeding, all bets are off, otherwise tomorrow is the fight for Jude.
8:30 am they will do one last check and if all is good, they will sew a "stitch" on my cervix to help keep Jude in and prevent infection. There is no guarantee this will work as my case is freakishly rare, but that is our best bet for him.
We chose not to look at Brinly but the nurse gave us tons of footprints/handprints and a blanket that was wrapped around her body. She was almost 9 inches and 6oz and perfect.
I know there are no words to say to me in this an that's okay. No more "I'm sorry" or "I couldn't handle that, you are so strong." One week ago I would have said "No way could I ever handle that." I genuinely know you are so sorry as are we. Scriptures/songs of hope and prayers for peace for us and health for Jude is all we can ask for. (side note: to my blog friends who are pregnant please note this happens to less than .4% of people. I don't want you to have an ounce of fear, I was just one of the unlucky ones and that's life). I'll update later but as of now, Jude is alive and fighting.