RESOLVE: Don't Say This

April 23, 2014

This is RESOLVE week-infertility awareness.  1 in 8 struggle to some level with fertility issues.  I saw this post on "Still Standing Magazine" and had to share to put things into perspective for friends/family/strangers that don't understand infertility and how comments sound to us...

"So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile? (author unknown)

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!
2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed, but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.
7. So... when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!
9. But don't you *want* to walk?
10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.
11. You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.
18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...

So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!" Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your derriere twice a day isn't fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.

 DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent."


  1. I love this post! It's soooooo on-point. Thank you for putting it up.


  2. This is so so good! Thank you for sharing this! Everyone should read this.

  3. this is great. and i know it will be in the back of my mind anytime i encounter someone that is struggling.

  4. This is perfect. Thank you for sharing this. This hit the nail on the head for sure.

  5. This is a great comparison. I had to share it with people that always say I am being too "sensitive."

  6. Great post. So true on so many levels.

  7. Ha. This is great. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Great post. Never thought of comparing it that way.

  9. Oh my word, that list is awesome. Sadly funny, but spot on. I've had the most retarded comments come my way from well meaning people. Thank you for sharing. I try not to be super senstive knowing people mean well, but sometimes, yeah, I just gotta roll my eyes from things people say or do!!

  10. I love this!

    My husband and I went through infertility treatments for 3 1/2 years before recently becoming pregnant through IVF. It's brutal to say the least. Now that I am pregnant, I live in CONSTANT fear. I find myself so jealous of my friends and all their pregnancy excitment because all to often, I'm to fearful to let myself feel the joy.

    You are a survivor, and even though I don't know you, I honestly pray for you often. No one really understands until they've walked it, and I wouldn't wish this walk on my worst enemy. In your realness and in your faithfulness, you've been such an inspiration.

  11. Love this! Thank you for sharing!

  12. This is amazing. Thanks for sharing!

  13. This was amazing. I wish I'd had it to share when I was trying to conceive. People just didn't get it. All the crazy things they said. How hurtful they could be. I am going to pray for you. Patricia Gibson-Williams


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