Our Surrogacy Journey Part 2: The Beginnings

November 27, 2014

I have never known pain the way I did that day that Jude laid there in my arms last November.  The morning after delivering him my husband got an email from a friend/old co-worker who wanted to tell us how sorry she was for us.  She said she didn't know if timing was appropriate but offered to surrogate for us if we wanted to go that route.  She mentioned that she would do it for nothing in return.  I got this email hours after saying goodbye to Jude.

I was touched by her kindness but in that moment didn't think we would need to go the route of  using a gestational carrier (a woman who carries our embryos/genetic kids in her body).  The desire to have a living child became a quick obsession and the ache of burying my twins made me want to try again ASAP but I was told I would have to wait at least 6 months.  After meeting with our specialist, he did say I could try again but would have to get a cerclage (cervix stitched) and take shots throughout the pregnancy-with a 20% plus chance it could all happen again.  When we mentioned the idea of surrogacy to him, he actually thought it was a decent idea.

I emailed Becky a few weeks later asking if she was serious.  Sometimes in the heat of the moment of emotions people say things but in reality couldn't do it.  She replied that she would not have offered if she wasn't serious.  To make sure she knew what she was signing up for, I sent her a LONNGGGGG email entailing all the "delights" of IVF she would have to do-transfer embryos that could miscarry (I had miscarried 50% of what I had transferred in the past not counting J and B).  I had to tell her about all the pokes/prodes she would have to go through just to be approved.  Then of course the 2 inch PIO shots she would have to take for 12 weeks on top of Lupron.  Then the millions of appointments and the pains of pregnancy.  After I sent the email I got a short reply saying "I already knew all of this, I'm in." 

In the days that followed I would often find myself sobbing when I thought of her and this sacrifice she was willing to make for our family.  I would dream about being in the deliver room with her.  I felt so much love and connection to this woman-as if she were my own sister.  She quickly started all the pre-testing/screening and passed with flying colors.  She had two successful pregnancies in the past but both her children are grown now.  We decided that since the embryos were frozen and hadn't been genetically tested that we would transfer 2.  She was open to the risk of twins.  Since our last FET resulted in zero, we all felt like 2 would be the best bet.

On March 27, 2014 her amazing/supportive husband Tom, Becky, Darren and I were all back in that transfer room at OHSU using our 4th transfer we had paid for before.  Becky was calm and we were all so excited.  The RE knew our story and simply said "I hope this works," as he shot our two embryos into the most amazing woman on earth's body.  I knew this was right.  Although I desperately wanted to be pregnant again and to carry the kids on my own, I knew that they were safer in her body.  This picture was taken minutes after the transfer.

The 2 week wait was different because my brain got a break.  Sure, I wondered if it was working but I didn't have symptoms to analyze or obsess over and Becky didn't freak me out with updates of what she did/didn't feel (fyi she had 0 symptoms)  8 days after transfer she texted me these pictures and I cried uncontrollably-hope had began to enter again and I was terrified and thrilled all at once.







Although I was happy, I automatically went back into "guarded" mode.  Now we needed some serious milestones:

doubling beta
seeing a heartbeat
making it to 12 weeks
getting a normal anatomy scan at 20
making it to viability at 24
making it to term

I had been burned too many times in the past by passing the positive pregnancy test and thinking it was smooth sailing from there-we had many many obstacles to get through. 

Although my faith in God and His goodness was not non-existant, I knew that just because I believe in Him doesn't guarantee that this ending would be any better than the last.  I could hardly pray for success but took comfort in knowing so many people were praying in general for us to build our family.

Another aspect of faith this journey required was faith in Becky; Darren and I were putting our lives, our dreams, our flesh and blood, our most desired babies into her body.  From day 1 I had 100% trust that she was going to be the best home away from home to my children.  And she was...

27 comments:

  1. You story astounds me. You are such a great Mommy and Becky is amazing for giving you that opportunity again. Can't wait to hear about these boys!!

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  2. This is so wonderful and I'm so happy for you!! We also are expecting through a gestational carrier and know all to well those milestones we are looking and waiting for. Wishing Becky a smooth healthy pregnancy from here on out. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

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  3. I'm thankful for selfless women like Becky. This is such a beautiful story. You are a wonderful mom.

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  4. This is such a beautiful story. I can't wait to hear more!

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  5. Becky sounds amazing and I'm glad that things were able to come together for you guys!!

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  6. I love this! When is your due date?

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  7. Wow, wow, wow! This is such a precious gift she is giving you and a true work of God. I can't wait to hear more about your journey and we will definitely keep you in our prayers. Wishing Becky a healthy pregnancy and CONGRATS to all of you!

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  8. Wow Holly! I read this earlier but couldnt comment at work. I was literally crying happy tears at my desk. Then just now I watched the video. God really answers prayers and Becky is a true angel! I'm assuming she's getting close to delivery. Big prayers for everyone and please keep us updated!! Xoxo🙏🙏😍😍

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  9. My husband and I have been TTC for almost 2 years and just started seeing a fertility specialist in the summer. Thank you for sharing your story. I recently found your blog and have read the entire thing. I am rooting for you and your family. Best of luck!

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  10. What an amazing woman and wonderful blessing! I can't wait to read more!

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  11. So happy for you!! Meant to comment on your last post-- your story has had such an impact on me. So far we have done 4 IUIs and are currently on round 4 of ivf (2 fresh, 2 frozen) and while I am trying to remain positive and optimistic for this round... I have brought up surrogacy to my husband before and have done a little researching on my own. I know that these twins of yours are going to be so loved and cherished - ultimately it doesn't matter how they came to be because they will be yours. Wishing you a smooth rest of this journey - congratulations! Xo

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  12. So incredibly happy for you!!! Can't wait to read the rest of the story. I was shocked a week ago when I saw the title of part one and cried reading the part 2. What an answer to prayer. Praying for a smooth and LONG 9 months of pregnancy for both you and Becky!!!

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  13. I should clarify...a happy 15 more weeks (give or take) of pregnancy ;)

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  14. I'm loving these posts and have so much hope for you and your family. I am so glad that you have such an amazing person like Becky in your lives.

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  15. "And she was. . ."??!!! Does that mean the babies are here? =D So incredibly happy for you all and I cannot wait for the continuation and culmination of this beautiful journey!

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  16. I love you & am SO THANKFUL for Becky and her husband!

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  17. I still can't believe how long you kept this a secret! I'm so so so happy for you both. I can't wait for more updates!!!

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  18. So happy for you and Darren. Eagerly awaiting the rest of the story. Show us those beautiful baby boys..... please.

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  19. what an amazing story! She is such a sweet woman! God bless her! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  20. I think my favourite part of this story is you writing a very long and detailed email about what would be involved and getting a short and quick reply confirming that she was in! Awesome and amazing! Love the future baby bump sign too!

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  21. Oh what a beautiful soul these women have…to help those of us who want nothing more than to be parents but have broken bodies. I love this story! I'm so happy for you, Holly!!!!!

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  22. So wonderful! Congratulations! I have been following up your story for about a year and a half now. You have been in my prayers, and I am beyond thrilled to hear! Praise God for His sweet blessings, and a wonderful selfless person like Becky! Thank you for sharing your story!

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  23. Aww. The "Future Benson Baby Bump" picture made me tear up. So sweet!

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  24. Such a beautiful story! Those pictures she sent you are super sweet. Becky is an amazing, selfless woman and I am so glad you were connected in this way. I can't wait to hear more!

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  25. What an amazing gift from God this is, Congratulations and thanks for sharing this with us I'm sure it was hard on you two.

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  26. Hi! I came across your blog on another blog I follow, and I just wanted to say that I will be thinking about you guys as you wait to bring home your boys! I have PCOS, but we were lucky enough to be able to conceive using drugs (we also went to OHSU). Thank you for sharing your story! When we were TTC it was so helpful for me to be able to read stories like yours and know that I wasn't alone. I wish you guys all the best!

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