Our Surrogacy Journey Part 1

November 16, 2014

Our Surrogacy Story Part 1

After losing J and B I have never trusted a positive pregnancy test since.  I am too guarded and to scarred from the stillbirths.  This exact day 1 year ago I found out I would deliver Jude and that he would die.

An amazing, selfless friend stepped forward in our deepest grief and offered to carry some of our left over frozen embryos from Jude and Brinly's cycle.  She asked for nothing in return and hasn't complained once (more on her in upcoming posts, this woman is a saint).  Becky has given me a hope I never thought I would have again and has literally saved me from dying of pain for not having live children.  We transferred two.  Both stuck.  Twin boys. 

I have used this blog to mourn Jude and Brinly while hoping, praying, and trying to remain positive with a surrogacy pregnancy.

I was overwhelmed with joy to have the chance to have twins again but also extra scared knowing the risks.  We kept this entire thing a secret from even our own families till she was 24 weeks along-minimum viability.  We couldn't bare the thought of dragging them through the horrors of the slow week to week to make it to a chance of survival and keeping it a secret helped me cope too.

As posted earlier, we took family to Multnomah Falls for Jude and Brinly's memorial service.  My entire family on both sides cried as we said our final goodbye's too Jude and Darren and I spread the ashes.

We then told our family we wanted a family picture at the base of the falls (our surrogate Becky, her husband Tom, and daughter-all strangers to our family-where at the base of the falls).

We got up there and everyone got in front of the falls and we asked a "stranger" (gestational carrier's husband and daughter) to take a picture.  They were really filming.  They counted to 3 and Becky, our surrogate, walked into the picture.  Our families were confused by the stranger so I eventually turn around, touch her stomach, and say "this is our surrogate Becky."   Here is there reaction in the video.  I cannot express how much this woman and her family have changed our lives.

 (if video is not displaying type in: surrogate surprise reveal on youtube to view <3
I will continue to tell our story in my next few posts.  Thank you to all the followers for the love, prayers, encouragement, support, mourning with us and rejoicing with us.

100 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh....congratulations! How wonderful! What an amazing gift she's given such a deserving couple! What an incredible story! God bless you all!

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  2. Oh my goodness! Congratulations!!!! This is so amazing! I am so happy for you! We also are expecting through a gestational carrier so I understand how slowly the weeks go by! This is so wonderful!!
    (I would love to watch the video but it is blank where the video is)
    So so happy for you! Congrats!

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  3. I'm so happy for you all! Their reactions were priceless. Congratulations!

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  4. I read this post with tears in my eyes. God is good and a redeemer of all things. I can't wait to read more. Congratualtions! :)

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  5. Congratulations Holly and Darren,
    God is SO good!!!! I am so excited, rejoicing and thanking Jesus for Becky and the two little miracles that she is carrying for y'all!!!! I cried happy tears as I read your post and watched the video!!! Continuing to pray for y'all!!! Your Sister in Christ and yes I am still crying tears of joy for y'all! :)

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  6. I am sitting here crying my eyes out, but also SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! Praise God!!!

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  7. How wonderful! Words can not express how happy I am for you and your family. Congrats!

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  8. This is such a beautiful story. She sounds like such a selfless woman. Praying that everything keeps going well with the pregnancy and you can bring ur baby boys home.

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  9. This video brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so happy for you, Darren, and your family. Congratulations!

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  10. Congratulations this is awesome news!!! May God bless you guys and this lovely,selfless lady who's really showing the love of God thru this act of love. Is such a great responsibility and she took it just to bless another family!! God works in mysterious ways. Congrats again!! Ps not sure why but couldn't see or watch the video, it's blank on the window where the video is suppose to be

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  11. OMG! I saw you mention a surrogate in comments on other blogs, but I was too chicken to ask you directly! Love how you announced to your family!

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  12. OMG! Congrats!!! I am so excited for you. Xoxo

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  13. I love you! You are my inspiration and have been my favorite Mom hero through the last 3 years of my hardships. You have been so open in your weakness, strengths, anger, grief, fears; I'm so proud of you! I still have many fears to overcome, from my post partum depression and anxiety and "getting over" my scary bed rest and delivery. I know all of your strength is from the Glory of God that you allow to shine in your life and much of that glorious strength came from Darren. I just want to thank Darren for being an integral supporter of you in all of this, knowing too, that he suffered as well, but chose to be your strong knight. Thank you Darren for taking such great care of my dear Holly! It feels like the World is crashing down on you when a husband doesn't know how to take care of his wife in times of great trial. Praise the Lord for all of your follies and feats! You both are an inspiration to all and I'll probably cry at the sight of you at Thanksgiving! Loving and rejoicing with you, Alicia.

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  14. This made me cry. Unsurprisingly :)
    Remembering Brinly and especially Jude with you today, and full of hope for the two little boys about to join your family.

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  15. What amazing news. What a priceless, selfless gift Becky and her family have given to you. While the pain of losing Jude and Brinly will never disappear, and you'll always miss them, the incredible joy of parenthood will most definitely sustain and uplift you guys. Congratulations on what must be the fast approaching arrival of Jude and Brinly's brothers, your precious rainbow babies.

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  16. Happiest tears Imaginable for you. I have been praying for you and words cannot express my joy. Please keep us posted

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  17. God bless you, your family and this incredible woman!

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  18. I'm so ready for this blog to EXPLODE with love! I'm so happy for you Holly and I know so many others have been anxiously awaiting the day you'd reveal all… people are going to FREAK! Love the secret reveal! Hugs and love to you all! Congrats again!

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  19. This is so amazing! I am so happy for you guys!! You deserve this!!

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  20. Praise the LORD!!! I have been praying for you two for a long time. I knew the anniversary was coming soon and you both just were weighing heavily on my heart. I am so thrilled to hear this wonderful news! Congratulations!! You both will be such wonderful parents. What precious blessings your friend is giving you!

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  21. This makes my heart so happy! :) I have been following your blog and have been anxiously waiting for a post like this! Congratulations and your family will be in my thoughts for a safe pregnancy and delivery.

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  22. This is absolutely beautiful!! I cried tears of joy as I watched this precious video. I will be praying for Becky to have a healthy remainder of her pregnancy. I'm so happy for you and your husband! Twin boys?! How wonderful!

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  23. Dang, that made me tear up at work! It was really touching to see the joy and surprise from your family. Thanks for sharing that. Definitely made my Monday much better

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  24. This video is so precious! I am beyond excited for you!

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  25. I've started writing a comment three different times... I am in tears - with sadness still over Jude & Brinly, and with sheer happiness for you and Darren, and your surrogate - what an AWESOME and selfless friend!!! I'm sure these two emotions were a terrific war for you as well on the day you both said goodbye, promised to always remember Jude and Brinly, and the day you shared your news of new life...
    a thousand congratulations on your TWIN BOYS!!! Will keep you all in my prayers!

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  26. I have been following your blog for about a year and a half now and have been so touched by your honesty throughout this whole process. I have never had the proper words to comment on anything in the past but have always silently sent my prayers to you and your family. I am so happy for you!! I sat here at my desk crying, watching that beautiful video and the moments that followed after your surprise reveal and I truly wish you all the best, what a wonderful surprise and unique way to reveal to your family. I shall continue to send love and prayers!! Simply ecstatic for you :)

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  27. Wow this is amazing news!!! I have been following your journey (only commented a few times) and am thrilled for you!! I have tears in my eye watching this, so beautiful!! Congrats!

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  28. Oh my gosh this is so amazing and it totally made me cry at work. CONGRATULATIONS!!! I can't believe that you were able to keep this secret for this long. I can't wait to hear the rest of the story!

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  29. This is the absolute best news I've heard in a while. While your sweet Brinly and Jude will never be forgotten, you are bringing their two siblings into your life. Congrats from the bottom of my heart. These two boys will always have two guardian angels looking over them.

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  30. This is so amazing! Congratulations and what a sweet way to tell your family.

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  31. Weeeeeee so exciting! Praising God!

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  32. I have totally seen this video on facebook and had no idea it was you! Congratulations!

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  33. I cried watching your reveal - so overjoyed for you!!!

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  34. This is excellent news! Congratulations!

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  35. Congratulations! I've been following your story for awhile and praying for you! Thank you Lord for blessing this sweet family!

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  36. I am sobbing. You deserve all the happiness ever and then some. What an amazing secret!

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  37. Oh. My. Gosh. I am bawling. So very very happy for you!

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  38. This is the sweetest thing in the world. Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. I am so happy for your family <3

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  39. Congratulations. That is so beautiful and amazing.

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  40. I can't see the video:(. I can't wait to hear about your journey!

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  41. Ii don't know you, but I'm so happy for you and your miracles!

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  42. The most AMAZING post ever! So happy for y'all - I'm crying at work and am a mess! Praying for your sweet boys, your awesome surrogate and you (and Darren), too! Happy 24 weeks - I hope you all can enjoy a smooth and drama-free remainder of the pregnancy! Congrats from Texas!

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  43. I love this. It made me cry. I am so happy for you all!

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  44. That video was so beautiful. Made me cry. Congratulations to you and your whole family! What a wonderful friend.

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  45. Oh my word. I am sitting here at work, with tears brimming into my eyes, and I can't stop them from falling. What a HUGE blessing and such a selfless thing for Becky and her family to do for you! And twins boys? I am beyond elated for you guys! After our own journey, I am 22 weeks along with twin boys and feel such a soft spot in my heart for anyone that may have twin boys after their own IF trials. So happy for you guys and can't wait to continue reading about this exciting time! Much love!

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  46. I am literally bawling right now. I've been checking your blog almost daily, hoping for some sort of an update, as I just felt that there was an update to be told. Oh, Holly. I couldn't have more joy for you than I do right now. I still mourn the loss of your other sweet babies with you, but what an amazing way to honor them - by continuing in your quest to give Jude and Brinly siblings. And twin boys? Wow. As the mother of one sweet boy, I can tell you that two is literally double the blessing! So, so happy for you and Darren. And for your family, too!!!

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  47. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I wish nothing for the best for you and your family!

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  48. I don't know you, have never commented, but following your journey for a long time. I read this, watched this, with tears streaming down my cheeks. Congratulations, Mama. Big bigs. Still crying.

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  49. OMG! Over the moon happy for you! God is awesome! Thank you soooo much for sharing with us because it gives me hoppe! All the best! You deserve everything good!

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  50. I was crying before I even pressed play on the video. This. Is. Amazing!!!!! You little stinker! Keeping such a big secret even from your own family. Obviously, for a very good reason after your experience with Jude and Brinly. I am so very thrilled for you. I cannot wait to read more about your amazing friend and surrogate Becky and to "meet" your two little boys!

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  51. Oh my goodness! So so so happy to read this! Your video was priceless! Praise God! Cannot wait to hear more about those two baby boys!

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  52. Wow! Ive never posted anything before but have been following since you found out the genders of J and B. I have no similar story and cant even remotley pretend to feel the pain you've felt. But I have been silently rooting for you and your husband. Ive been checking almost everyday because I knew something big was about to happen and it has! I'm SO excited for all FOUR of you! Thank you so much for sharing your story!

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  53. I have been following your blog for a while now, and just like everyone else I've been hoping and praying for an update filled with joy like this. I don't even know you, and I am so touched. Literally crying as I watched your family react to the amazing news! Congratulations! I have been praying and will continue to pray for nothing but amazing things for you, your hubby, your family, your sweet baby boys and your surrogate.
    PS I am a momma to 21 month old twin boys. It is so fun!

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  54. Wow!!! So happy for you guys. Thank you for giving me hope

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  55. this makes me so happy I can't even breathe!!!!!!! you are an amazing mom.

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  56. This post brought me to tears. I'm so happy to read this announcement and see the lovely tears of joy on you, your friends and family. I've been thinking of you so much lately and nothing thrills me more than to know you will be bringing your baby boys home in a few short months. So much love to you, Holly!! xoxo

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  57. CONGRATULATIONS! I am so incredibly happy for you and Darren. Your friend is absolutely amazing! God Bless her and your families. Thank you for sharing the reveal with us, your family's heartfelt reaction is priceless and so full of love.

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  58. Okay, first OMG! Congratulations!!!! Second, if your babies were 24 weeks on August 26th, that means they are 36 weeks today?????? OMG!!!!!!! They're going to be here soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  59. Oh my goodness, this made me cry. Congratulations! I am so excited for y'all!

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  60. This is such great news! Like so many of your readers, I am crying right now after watching that sweet video! I am so happy for you and your family!

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  61. Just wow. Knowing that there are people like Becky in this world makes me overwhelmed with joy. I know that the loss of Jude and Brinly will never leave you but I can't think of a more wonderful way to continue their story than by celebrating and honoring their lives by saying goodbye and then saying hello with the amazing reveal of their siblings. Congratulations seems like not a big enough word after all you have been through so a million congratulations and I cannot wait to hear more about this part of your journey!!

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  62. I am crying after watching your video. I started reading last year when everything you went through with Jude and Brinly began and my heart was breaking for you with every post, so it is beautiful to have something else to cry tears of pure joy for. Jude and Brinly have remained close to my heart since they were taken and I am so glad they get to be the big brother and big sister to these two blessings! I cant wait to hear more of the story!

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  63. This is the best news I've heard all year! I am so, so happy for you and your family. What a beautiful story! Congratulations!

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  64. I have been following your story as my own heart aches from infertility. This story gives hope and whispers to me "don't give up". Thank you for not giving up on your dream. May the Lord bless these dear little babies. I can't wait to hear more of the story. Praise the Lord!!

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  65. OMG the best news ever!!!!!!!!!!!! congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  66. I'm so filled with joy for you both <3

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  67. I am just in tears for you! I have been following you for a little over a year and have thought of you almost daily. Your story always spoke to me as we had our embryo transfers in the summer of 2013 just days apart. We transferred two and both stuck, but then lost our B days after you lost yours. Little A (Mia) is now in our arms, but we were at risk of losing her when we lost B.
    I have been saying prayers for you and constantly watching your blog for updates, just hoping for happy news! Congratulations! I can't wait to see the rest of this journey!

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  68. I am so happy and excited for you both. This is amazing news! God is good.

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  69. I have read your story and my heart ached for you. I went through mamy losses myself but nothing in comparison to the pain you went through. There was a time i never though it would be possible to have a baby. I asked many times why did God allow me to go through all this. Well my answer was given to me in June when my little boy was born. I don't know why things happen to us lucky people but what I have learned is that everything I went through has allowed me to be an amazing mother with so much patience, love and gratitude . We never forget but these two beautiful boys of yours will bring you so much joy and healing. So excited for you and your husband. Enjoy this special time and please keep us posted on the arrival of these two little miracles!

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  70. Congratulations! What wonderful news!

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  71. Oh my gosh!! I've been checking in with your blog every so often and hoping to read good news. I just knew your story couldn't end without God giving you a miracle. I'm so beyond thrilled for you both - you are going to be wonderful parents and are going to truly appreciate every moment of it. Congratulations on your take home babies - I can't wait to hear more as you get closer and closer to their arrival.

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  72. What a beautiful story! You brought tears to my eyes. I am so incredibly happy for you and Darren. You give hope and inspiration to so many others.. especially those suffering from infertility. I hope things are going well. These sweet baby boys have perfect guardian angels watching over them.

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  73. OH Goodness! You do not know me, but I am so EXCITED FOR YOU! I am so hopeful. So hopeful. I needed to hear good news from one of my fav bloggers.

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  74. OH MY GOSH!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! This is the most amazing thing ever- and this reveal?!?!?! I am bawling in my office. Congratulations times a million...you guys deserve every happiness and I am SO filled with joy for you!!!

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  75. {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252
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    \f0\fs26 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
    \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 You're story has touched lives in ways you can not imagine. As I struggle with things in my life, I watched yor video and found myself saying there is hope and love. Sometimes it is surrounded in grief, but it is there. \
    You and your family are amazing and I am so excited for family is growing by two beautiful rainbow babies. Congrats, beautie.

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  76. Omg, Congratulations! Couldn't be more happier for you two and your families! (And please continue the story soon, this is so exciting to read.) I was all the time so sure, that there has to be some kind of a Miracle for you, just waiting to happen. Nothing will change your love to lost little ones, you will always be a mother for them too, but I'm sure, that these twin boys bring much needed joy, happiness and Pure Love to your aching hearts. (Sorry if my English is bad, I'm from Finland)

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  77. Oh, my goodness!!! I'm so thrilled for you. Nothing will ever take the heartbreak away of the deaths of J and B, but I'm so happy that your dream of having living children looks like it's going to come true. I will be praying for you and everyone involved for a calm rest of the pregnancy.

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  78. I am so happy for you guys!!! This is awesome <3

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  79. Crying and crying. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. What a huge, wonderful secret to keep. You two deserve all the happiness in the world. What an amazing woman to do this for you two and give you the ultimate gift.Congratulations and warm blessings for this miracle.

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  80. I have been following your family for a little over a year. Reading this made by day. To see a family get what they have been praying and hoping for. God is truly amazing. I will keep your little family in my prayers.

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  81. here from the roundup. Oh this is so priceless wonderful. I have no words, but so happy for you. Wishing you and Becky a happy uneventful pregnancy!

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  82. I can't even put my thoughts into words, as I was already crying halfway down. I can't believe this. What an amazing story. XOXO The biggest congratulations to you guys!

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  83. Oh my goodness. I've been away from my blog for a while and just saw someone post this on facebook. I'm in tears! This is such exciting news Holly!!!

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  84. Holly I'm an embryologist at an ivf clinic and I found your blog through one of our patients who experienced a loss. I've worried about you like you were one of my own patients! Your video brought tears to my eyes and reminded me yet again why I do what I do. God bless and I am so happy for you and your family!

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  85. This is so freaking ah-mazing. I told D about how awesome you are (again)! Wow. I am so thrilled for you.

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  86. Congratulations!! Being a mommy is amazing no matter what path God has planned for you arrive at that point in your life. So happy for you and your family.

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  87. Congratulations! So excited for you and your new adventure. Will continue to pray for you!!

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  88. Holly my daughter cried when she saw this, have been following since Brinly and Jude, she too experienced losses. As she is now blessed with a one month old baby girl, we followed your blog praying you would have the courage to try again with their sibling eggs, such wonderful news, we cannot wait to see your future blogs. You will feel your faith return to you, she plans on trying again, blessings to your surrogate and your family....Brinly and Jude are forever yours...we will never forget them.

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  89. I've been following your story for awhile, but have only commented rarely as I could never find the right words. Even though we've suffered through infertility for three years now, I cannot even imagine what you have endured losing your four precious babies. This reveal video is the greatest thing ever! I've watched it four times already, and bawled like a baby each time! I am so very happy for you, more than words can possibly express!

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  90. I couldn't be happier for the two of you! I just offered to be a surrogate for my friend 2 nights ago. We both dealt with our own infertility and then,s to the grace of God I delivered my little boy 7 months ago. I just read your blog and have been following since we went through our own IVF only 3 weeks behind you in 2013. Your blog showed up when I googled "successful FET transfers" your story has been inspirational to say the least. After reading your latest post, I know I am doing the right thing by being a surrogate. Thank you and God bless!

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  91. Tears...lots of tears....wow....amazing....perfect...so happy for you all. Never give up. What a blessing! xoxo

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  92. Tears of happiness for you and your family! Loved the video!!

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  93. Okay, if anyone can make it through that video without tearing up then they are made of STONE!

    I am over the moon happy for you, even though you are a stranger. I look forward to reading more posts. And let me just say - little boys do so love their mommies :)

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  94. Oh my gosh, Holly! I'm bawling over here just like your family. I'm glad you're ready to share this part of your story. It is so incredibly beautiful.

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  95. Tears. So happy for you both.

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